The hullabaloo of the Indian Pregnancy

Sometimes I wonder why is there so much hallabaloo regarding pregnancy in india???
I see such weird attitudes/reactions from WOMEN all around me:

1. Dont tell anyone you are planning: nazar lag jayegi, and you wont be able to conceive? What crap! If at all given our sex ed levels, sharing plans may help with tips, and important information.

2. If you realise you are pregnant, dont tell anyone for 3 months except family: nazar lag jayegi, you will end up miscarrying? or it will be embarrassing or sad if you tell everyone and then miscarry? Again, telling people wont affect anything, and miscarriages etc can happen after 3 months also. What then?

3. No matter how obviously pregnant you are, dont announce it to the world, put it up on social networking sites, click pictures of baby bump etc.: its bad luck? Cmon people around the world send announcement mails/postcards asap, put up baby bump pics everywhere. Nothing happens to them! If you're a private person I understand, but just to keep it all hush hush cuz we are indian is so stupid!

4. dont keep names or buy baby stuff before birth: bad luck - what if baby dies? well thats an eventuality all of us must be aware of. but why does it stop us from planning? in my opinion its dumb to run around buying stuff AFTER the baby is born: its too last moment and chaotic! buying stuff or deciding names in advance doesnt jinx pregnancy or baby. it just helps.

5. heavily pregnant women wear loose fitting clothes, or cover huge baby bumps with dupattas, as if doing this will hide the fact that they are pregnant: nazar lag jayegi? Seriously is pregnancy something to be hidden, be embarrassed about, be ashamed of? Why do u wanna hide? whats so uncomfortable in people knowing ur pregnant? that u had sex with your partner? cmon grow up!

6. baby's father/family members not allowed/wanted during birthing: its indecent, interfering. Again, ur ok with stranger doctors and nurses prying your legs apart and exposing your modesty for everyone to see when you are in labour but not allowing/wanting baby father or own mother, both of whom have seen u naked, to be there to support you (in case its a normal birth n there are no issues) is so archaic. Whats the big deal yaar?

Once the baby is born there are a million dos and donts: put nazar ka teeka, dont go out for 2 months, mom should or shouldnt eat xyz things, etc etc etc. 90% of these things have NO scientific base but we so called educated people still go on following this bullshit blindly! I personally find it very old fashioned and stupid. Wonder when we will come out of the dark ages!

Parents are parents, not free babysitters!

While its very nice of parents to pitch in when their children have new born babies, for couples to depend entirely on their parents/in-laws to supervise and run after their little ones so that they can get back to work/enjoy a social life is unfair in my opinion.

Our parents have done their bit of running around and managing little infants/toddlers, which is anything but easy. And to make them relive that in their 60s is torture. They may still do it out of love or obligation, they may even say that they like it, dont mind it. But I think its highly selfish for us to pass the buck to them to get our own lives back.

Sure its nice to leave the kids with parents once in while for a weekend or a quick trip alone. But not every day forever. When you have kids, learn to take responsibility for them completely. Our parents managed us without pawning us off to others, we should do the same. Hire a nanny, leave them at a creche/playschool, do whatever it takes, but please dont make your parents miserable. They have a life, a routine of their own which gets affected if they are stuck at home 24x7 looking after your kids. Let them live their sunset years in peace.

One child rule in India: Solution to social ills or infringement of basic human rights?

The other day I was reading about the very sad state of women and children health in India when a thought occurred to me:

What if we stop poor, starving, uneducated, unemployed, undernourished people to have children? Or at least restrict them to having one child only a la China?

Urban, educated people these days are spending more time on education, career n other life goals. Reproducing a litter is not their priority. They are more rational n meticulous about family planning n have children only if they can afford to give them a good lifestyle. Many couples are opting for single child policy. And some, no child policy.

But the poor, uneducated people continue to reproduce at a crazy rate: having children after children while they can't properly bring up even one. Educating them about small family benefits isn't working. Giving them jobs or free education isnt working. Giving their children free health n education isnt helping. Empowering women n girl children isnt helping. We are still losing 2 million children and mothers every year.

Will a drastic rule on prohibition on having children if you cant afford them work, if there was a way to successfully implement it?

I know such a rule denies one the basic right to have as many children as one wants but being allowed that isn't working either, either for the individuals or the country. Something worth thinking, no?

Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!

Blood indeed in thicker than water. Whether consciously or unintentionally, we have a tendency to be biased towards our immediate family over others.

For instance, I see all around me working people, especially guys, who live with their parents are spoilt. Mom cooks and serves food to them, does their laundry, makes their bed. Since they are working they are pretty much exempt from doing household chores. Moms go out of their way to make life comfortable for them no matter what age. They dont ask them to lift even a finger.

However all changes if the son gets married, especially to a working woman, n decides to continue living with parents. The moment the daughter in law arrives, mothers expect her to wake up early, cook food, do all household chores. Its like they were waiting for her to arrive, as if she were a maid, to retire from their daily duties.

This I feel is unfair. If you expect your dil to chip in, the same is to be expected from the son. You cant allow the son to sleep in late, not clean up after himself, while expecting the dil to be up early n working. Your son doesnt cook cuz he never learnt, he was busy doing other things like studying etc. Probably so was his wife. Your son has a long day at work and is thus exempt from chores. So should be his equally hardworking and tired wife. Any set of rules or instructions should never be just for the woman but for the man as well. If you cant ask your son for something, dont ask your dil either. Its hypocrisy.

Which is not to say parents should slave after children forever. Or children shouldnt chip in. But whether son or daughter or dil, make the same rules for sharing responsibilities around the house from the beginning and stick to it. No biases. N if you dont have a system in place or cant enforce one, be happy with whatever children voluntarily help with. Dont just force it only down the poor dil's throat. Spare her: she is also someone's daughter. And an equal in the family. Not an outsider.

Children or puppets/circus animals?

What is it with parents and their sudden urge to make a spectacle out of their kids in front of other people? I pity those poor toddlers who are made to stand in front of random strangers sometimes, so their parents/grandparents can show off their talents - "beta show aunty your eyes, nose, fingers, tongue.... give flying kiss, say hi, say namaste, say bye.." The drama goes on.

Is it a competition for the kids? "My kid knows more than other kids, is more intelligent/better?" or for the parents? "See im such an amazing parent Ive taught my kid stuff ahead of his/her age!" What do we gain by doing this? Build confidence in the kid to face the big bad world ahead in life full of competition? Or feel good about our own parenting skills?

Honestly I dont know about how much this helps building confidence. I just see kids being hassled into learning stuff they might not even understand, and performing for every person they come across whether they feel like or not, just like circus animals. And I see highly competitive women who jealously shove their kids into other people's faces to feel superior. I just dont get the point.

Sure, one should teach the kid as much about the world around from day one, but for the benefit of the child, not for showoff. When will parents understand that this whole peer pressure, competition they worry their children will face in the future, is propagated by them only since the beginning? If only we weren't so competitive and judge everyone by certain fixed standards, our children would truly have more room to grow freely.