Monday, March 11, 2013

Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!

Blood indeed in thicker than water. Whether consciously or unintentionally, we have a tendency to be biased towards our immediate family over others.

For instance, I see all around me working people, especially guys, who live with their parents are spoilt. Mom cooks and serves food to them, does their laundry, makes their bed. Since they are working they are pretty much exempt from doing household chores. Moms go out of their way to make life comfortable for them no matter what age. They dont ask them to lift even a finger.

However all changes if the son gets married, especially to a working woman, n decides to continue living with parents. The moment the daughter in law arrives, mothers expect her to wake up early, cook food, do all household chores. Its like they were waiting for her to arrive, as if she were a maid, to retire from their daily duties.

This I feel is unfair. If you expect your dil to chip in, the same is to be expected from the son. You cant allow the son to sleep in late, not clean up after himself, while expecting the dil to be up early n working. Your son doesnt cook cuz he never learnt, he was busy doing other things like studying etc. Probably so was his wife. Your son has a long day at work and is thus exempt from chores. So should be his equally hardworking and tired wife. Any set of rules or instructions should never be just for the woman but for the man as well. If you cant ask your son for something, dont ask your dil either. Its hypocrisy.

Which is not to say parents should slave after children forever. Or children shouldnt chip in. But whether son or daughter or dil, make the same rules for sharing responsibilities around the house from the beginning and stick to it. No biases. N if you dont have a system in place or cant enforce one, be happy with whatever children voluntarily help with. Dont just force it only down the poor dil's throat. Spare her: she is also someone's daughter. And an equal in the family. Not an outsider.

Infidelity: A Man and a woman's perception

Infidelity, as per the dictionary, is defined as being unfaithful to one's partner. Earlier seen primarily as physical, it occurred when a spouse/partner indulged in physical intimacy with another person outside the marriage. In the recent times however, with changes in lifestyle, attitude and dynamics of relationships/marriages, even emotional intimacy with someone outside the marriage has come to be defined as infidelity.

Physical infidelity may mean a string of one night stands with strangers, or having an arrangement with few/one person purely for sexual purposes. There is little or no emotional involvement. Emotional infidelity on the other hand, typically means redirecting love, time, attention to someone other than the partner, with minimal or no physical involvement.

Question is: which one is worse? Is there a right answer to this? Truth be told, infidelity is infidelity and either type would typically hurt someone. Which one would hurt more, depends a lot on the person in question. However, if one may be allowed to generalise, as my friend Anika once very lucidly remarked: men find it more difficult to deal with physical infidelity; and women, emotional infidelity.

I found that to make a lot of sense. Since time immemorial men have considered women to be some sort of their 'property'. These days especially with stressful work and hectic lives, it is usually not possible for people to spend quality time with each other. Men's EQ is usually perceived to be lower than women's in any case. On top of that with equality coming into picture, men today dont mind their partners being friends with guys. Even of they know the two are emotionally close etc. But all hell breaks loose, even for the most understanding of the guys, when they find out that their partner SLEPT with someone. That's a breach of trust that cannot be repaired. And thus men find it more difficult to forgive a physical affair.

Women on the other hand, again from time immemorial, have been very perceptive about men's sexual appetites and their roving eye. Many a woman, especially in the glamour/media etc industry, have overlooked their partners escapades with their colleagues, as long they come back home to them, treat them and their kids well, maintain a respectable life in the eyes of the world. Even if I think of myself, I would probably come around my husband having a one night stand: it can happen to anyone in the heat of the moment and doesnt mean anything. BUT: if the partner becomes emotionally connected with another woman, falls in love and starts spending time and attention on her over his partner, then its unacceptable to the woman in question. Sexual attraction is temporary, but emotional bonding is permanent. And even if she shares his body, a woman cannot share her man's love with anyone else.

That said, I'm pretty sure either case of infidelity discovered by either partner will be a messy affair, so best to either stay away, or if you must, be very intelligent! :P

A Random thought on Relationships and Chemistry

A casual relationship is like a mixture: where two substances combine physically, retain their original properties and can be separated through physical methods, like sugar water. Similarly in a casual relationship, people come together, enjoy their time with each other, while having a life beyond their partner, and walk out whenever they want.

A marriage is however, more like a chemical compound: where two separate elements with certain properties combine chemically to form a new, third kind of substance with completely different properties, like salt. So no matter how unique, wonderful two people are, when they come together in a marriage, they form an identity together, different from their own.

So as long as you are going casual, you can be pretty sure of what to expect with your mixture and how to manage it, but when it comes to marriage, you just have to get in to find out what your compound is going to be like, and whether you can surpass your individual properties to be something even better! No wonder they say it’s a gamble!