Now It's My Turn!

She sat alone in the room. Her fingers were tapping her knee nervously as she waited for someone to come in. She didn't realise but she was subconsciously shaking her left leg, hoping the procedure starts before she loses her nerve.

Finally, a nurse walked in.

'Yes Madam, I am going to take you through this process.'

'Ok.'

'So madam, how old are you?'

'25.'

'Are you married?'

'Umm… Yes?'

'Ok. And is this your first pregnancy?'

'Hmm… No.'

'Okay and how many children have you birthed?

'Three.'

'Do you have a history of any chronic diseases?'

'No.'

'Do you have any history of abortions, miscarriages, still-births, etc.?'

'What? No!'

(She wiped her sweaty forehead, trying to calm her rattled nerves.)

'Okay. So, you want to get your tubes tied.'

(She was not sure if that was a statement or a question. But the nurse seemed to be looking for an answer… )

'Yes.'

(Please don't ask me why, please don't ask me why… she kept pleading to herself.)

'Okay so how many sons do you have?'

(Phew! Wait, what?)

'How is that important?'

'Madam it's a standard question, please answer.'

'Okay. I have one son.'

'How old is he?'

'Two'.

'Oh! Sorry madam we cannot go ahead with this, as your son is too young.'

'I don't understand, what has that got to do with anything?'

'Madam , it is simple. If you go through this surgery you cannot have children again. And if something happens to your son and you want another one, then what will you do?'

'First of all, nothing will happen to anyone. Secondly, even if it did, I will do nothing! I am done having kids!'

(She realised her voice was a little raised. She consciously lowered her volume, but continued glaring at the nurse.)

 'But you are so young, are you sure madam? This happens a lot so we suggest couples with sons less than 5 years to not go through this non reversible procedure, because chances of something wrong happening are high in the first 5 years and low afterwards.'

'Yes I am sure don't worry about me thank you!'

(She felt her irritation rising again. Why can't this woman just accept this and move on?)

'Fine, as you wish madam. This is your responsibility.'

'Great I am ok with that. Can we do this now?'

'No madam, one last requirement – where is your husband?'

(She had not anticipated this. Actually she knew this could come up but she was praying so badly that it didn't that she refused to prepare for the answer.)

'Why is my husband required?'

'Madam we cannot give you permission to do this without his approval!'

'Why not? It is my body, my wish! I do not want more kids, and that is final!'

'Madam but what if you do this and he comes later to fight with us that why did we do this?'

'You don't worry about that. Nothing will happen. Please let's just get this over with.'

'But madam…'

'I SAID I WANT THIS AND YOU BETTER DO THIS!'

(She was now screaming and she did not care!)

'Call the doctor, let me talk! How dare you deny me this service? I am no one's slave to need any permission! Is this a legal requirement?'

(The nurse is visibly afraid, almost shivering.)

'No madam but this is standard procedure…'

'Fuck your procedures. Just get me the doctor and get this thing done else you will regret it!'

(She hoped her words would be enough to scare the nurse into obeying.)

'Okay okay madam, please don't get upset. All the questions are done. I will call the doctor.'

The nurse left. 5 minutes later, a middle-aged male doctor entered the room. No smile.

(Just my luck, she thought.)

Mrs. Khanna I believe you are here for a tubectomy procedure but your son is less than 5 years old and also you do not have permission from your husband?'

(Oh no not again! Relax, you got this – she thought.)

'Yes that is true.'

'Do you realise that is highly irregular?'

'Is this a legal requirement?'

'No but…'

'Then it's settled, right? You have my consent, kindly proceed.'

(She heard him mumble something to the tune of 'fine it's your funeral', and sighed in relief. She as not going to get bullied into following these stupid patriarchal norms. Enough was enough.)

The doctor went out. Another nurse came in, to take her to the OT. She was stripped, her nether region shaved, and finally she was lying on the table hooked to an IV line. The doctor came back with a team of anaesthetists.

'For the last time madam, are you ready for this?'

'Yes, please!'

With that, she shut her eyes tight and waited with bated breath for it all to end. 

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She hated hospitals, needles, and operations… but she was alone. She had no one to support her.She thought about her family. Her parents were the traditional kind, always imploring her to do everything to keep her husband and in-laws happy. Which she did, as best as she could in an arranged marriage she was not even consulted about at the early age of 21, right after her graduation. She still remembered bitterly how she came back ecstatic with her exam results, and a request to purse her Masters, when her parents told her before she had a chance to say anything – 'please get ready, the family is here to see you for their son'. And that was that.

Still she went ahead, with dreamy visions of a beautiful wedding, a loving husband and happy future. It was only after the honeymoon was over she realised life was not as rosy as she had believed. No matter what she did, her husband or in-laws never seemed to be pleased enough. On top of all the home responsibilities, there was instant pressure to give the family an heir. Her husband did not want to take a chance, and insisted on sex every night. EVERY NIGHT. It was only when she was on her period that she got some relief. 'Thank God he hated the sight of blood else he would have forced me on those days also', she thought dreadfully.

Obviously, the children came in quick succession. The first was a girl. Obviously everyone was disappointed. With muted blessings and pursed lips, the family redoubled the pressure to get pregnant again. She was a thin anaemic girl, overworked and drained from her first pregnancy and but within 6 months her husband insisted she stop breastfeeding and start trying everyday again. She had barely gotten used to her daughter, when she realised she was pregnant again. She prayed fervently for a boy everyday of those 9 months.

Obviously, that did not happen. God chose to punish he with a daughter again. She knew she was the only one who was happy to see that beautiful doll like face. She was mortified of either being thrown out, or the child being harmed. Although neither happened, she went into depression and became emaciated even further. This time it was a C-sec due to some complications, and her stitches had barely healed when her husband forced himself on her again. She couldn't even breastfeed her children properly, he would not allow it. The fact that he didn't last longer than 5 minutes was the only positive. And within 2 months, she was pregnant again! Surprise Suprise!

Maybe God took pity on her and blessed her with a boy the third time. A handsome, robust looking boy. The pride of the family, the apple of everyone's eye. For the first time her in-laws smiled at her. For the first time, her husband did not force her to have sex for weeks at end, letting her recuperate from  her consecutive pregnancies! And she slowly healed.

Life was not easy. With 3 kids under the age of 3, she had her hands full, and how! They allowed her to finally get a nanny to help (even if just for the boy), and were happy to help around the house more. She heaved a sigh of relief – finally it was done. But her relief was short-lived. After a few months, her husband wanted to get back to having sex. And he didn't seem to care about using contraception. 'No, I cannot get pregnant again!', she thought. She had read about these pills in some magazine's personal problems section, which keep a woman from conceiving. She secretly bought one strip and tried them, only to puke her guts out. Nevertheless she kept taking them, as she looked for better options.

After almost a year of bad health, she decided her best option was to go for permanent sterilization. Her husband was far too proud of his 'manhood' to consider vasectomy. She did not have much faith in IUDs or other methods of contraception. So she made up her mind and started planning for a tubectomy. She secretly put away a little money every day, enough to build her reserve but not enough to arouse suspicion. By the time her son turned 2, she had enough to go ahead.

She planned this to the last detail. She chose a doctor and hospital far from where she lived so no one would know her there. She waited for the time when her in-laws went for a pilgrimage and her husband was busy with some work conference. She quickly piled up the kids and took them to her parents' , made some excuse about errands and rushed to the hospital.

She was as excited as nervous. She felt like a naughty girl! All her life she had never defied her parents or in-laws, but she had had enough and it was time to put an end to her misery. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially – she knew she could not afford any more children. But in the absence of family planning sense and an eternal greed of her in-laws for grandsons, she knew she had no choice.  So she was here and finally despite all the hitches, it was finally happening.

She knew the consequences would be bad if they found out. Her in-laws had already been wondering why she was no pregnant for 2 years now. They attributed that to her ill health perhaps. But they still had hopes, although they didn't pressurize her, being busy with their grandson. So she took advantage of that, and continued the pretence of not being any wiser. If they found out what she was doing, they would be terribly angry. But she hoped she would be able to win them over with her devotion. There were no guarantees, but she did not want to think of the worst case scenario and regret her actions yet.

It was her time to live her life her way now. She had done her duty. Worked hard to please her husband and family, cooked 3 meals a day, managed 3 children, and even gave a healthy male heir. He was not obligated anymore. She wanted to do her own thing. See her city, her country, the world. Learn new things. Maybe study more. Could she get a job? As her daydreaming continued, she was jolted back to reality when she felt the prick of the cannula on her hand and the medicine slowly seeping into her veins. She knew her dreams were too unrealistic, but hey, it doesn't cost anything to dream right? With that thought in her mind and a smile on her face, she drifted off to sleep, looking forward to a new chapter in her life.

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Listen, we need to talk.

 

She couldn’t believe it was happening. It was all wrong timing. She tried to tell herself it was stress induced. But now she was far too late for it to be just a routine delay. She knew it wasn’t that straightforward. Nothing was, for her.

They had been trying for a baby for a while. Given their medical reports and their indulgent lifestyle, the doctors had suggested they work on improving their health before they try. After a year of working hard on diet and exercise they started trying. Slowly, a year passed. And then two. And then more. They were nearing 35 and had given up on having their own kid. They weren’t desperate enough to consider IVF, or surrogacy/adoption, and decided it was the will of God/their luck, and moved on.

After years of disappointment, they made other plans for life, and worked towards their career. Anil had just got a posting in Hong Kong from January, and she was due for a promotion next March, hoping to join Anil soon after he went. They were just getting their life on track. And now this. Why does everything have to happen at the wrong time?

She opened the urine pregnancy test box gingerly, and slowly walked to the bathroom. She had seen this situation a million times on American TV shows where a woman takes the test and is shocked to discover she is pregnant! Sohini never thought this would be happening to her. It was like an out of body experience for her. After peeing on the stick, she laid it out on the counter as instructed, and waited for the result. She was anxious, with her foot tapping and her fingers drumming the surface, so she decided to step out and divert her mind to relax.

And suddenly it struck her – how would she tell her husband? What would be his reaction? There was no knowing with him – he was unpredictable and moody. Would he be happy? Shocked? Upset? She took her mobile phone and whatsapped Anil – “Listen, we need to talk.” And she wondered what would happen when he got back home. The doorbell would ring, she would open the door. Anil would see her worry stricken face, and ask her what happened. And she would say – “I think I’m pregnant!”

Scenario 1

Anil was shocked. “Pregnant, Sohini? Are you sure?” “Yes Anil, I just tested, and I’m very late.” “Hmmm. Maybe it’s a false positive. Don’t worry we will test again. Its not possible really, we have always been careful”. “But accidents happen Anil. Condoms break all the time. And last month after the party at Kapoors’, im not even sure we used protection. This could very well be happening. I think so, I feel it.” “We can’t be doing this Sohini. Let’s be practical. I have to go to HK next month, you will join me a few months later, both of us in a new profile in a new city. We can’t be having a child! We will test again and if this is really true, I think we should abort.” “But Anil, we always wanted a child and this is our chance. How can you even think of abortion?” “Baby I know, we have yearned for a child. But it is not enough to have a child. We need to plan everything. If we do this we might regret it later. We can always try again. Heck, this would prove we are capable of conception. Once we are settled in our jobs in HK I promise you we will give this another try okay? Now cheer up!”

Sohini looked at him resignedly. She knew he was talking sense. But a small part of her didn’t want to be practical. She was torn between prudence and emotion. What was she going to do?

Scenario 2

Anil was shocked! “Pregnant? Are you sure Sohini?” “Yes Anil, I just tested, and I’m very late.” “Oh my God Sohini, finally the Gods have answered our prayers! This is fantastic news! After the big job news last month, now this… I’m so happy!” They hug. Sohini is happy he is happy but a little conflicted. “But what about the job, Anil?” “What about it? I will go next month as planned and you will join me asap. We will have the baby there!” “But how will we manage?” “Don’t worry about all that now. HK has the best medical facilities and my company is providing us with all perks. We will get a full time maid, and you can call your parents to help whenever you want!” “But what about my job?” “That you will have to figure out. You have been with them for 3 years now, I am sure they will make amendments and adjust if you need some flexibility. And anyway after the baby you will get maternity leave. With a nanny and your mom’s help I’m positive things will work out.” “Are you sure? You’re so sure, I don’t know.” “What are you saying Sohini, do you not want this? I promise to stand by you and help you in every way. I will take care of you and pitch in. Trust me!”

Sohini looked at him and wondered – will it really work out? Should I trust him? Will this hurt my career?

Scenario 3

Anil calmly asked her – “Did you take a test?” “I just did. And I’m late. It’s obvious.” “Hmmm, okay. Let’s think of this one step at a time. We need to figure out if it’s really happening. And then decide if we both want this at the moment or not. We should talk to the doctors and figure if there are any medical red flags. If all is ok, then let’s think of our jobs. Talk to our bosses. Parents. Friends. Chart out the pros and cons. Figure out the money situation. The job situation – location situation. We can choose to move, or I can cancel my posting, stay back. We could take our parents’ help if needed. Or we could also decide not to go ahead. Lets not hurry and worry. Let us think this through and after a thorough understanding of what we want and what makes sense, we will take a call. I know this is what you really wanted, but I also know your career matters to you a lot. I won’t force anything on you. I am there for you but we know you have to do the bigger job here, so why don’t we talk this through and do what’s best for us? We don’t have to do this right now. And either way, know that I love you!”

Sohini hugged him, relieved that they didn’t have to decide right this moment. She was overwhelmed. So much had to be figured out. But they would do it together!

Back to reality

The door bell pulled Sohini out of her reverie. She knew it was Anil. But before she opened the door, she quickly went to the bathroom to check the result of the test. It was a clear NEGATIVE. She didn’t know if she was happy or sad. The bell rang again so she hurried to the door and opened it. A harried Anil looked at her and asked “You sounded ominous… What did you want to talk about?” She smiled at him and said “Oh nothing, just wanted to order in dinner today. What would you like to eat?”

The end.

The Shock and the Horror!!

It has been two days and I am still reeling from the aftereffects of the impact recent news articles have left on me. The most upsetting being the news of little Pradyuman, an innocent 7 year old whose throat was slit mercilessly by a bus conductor employed by his school, for resisting sexual assault in the washroom, just minutes after he was dropped at school by his parents. As if this news was not ghastly enough, there were fresh updates about a 5 year old girl raped by a peon in the school in an abandoned classroom. These incidents are over and above the previous two incidents that rocked the parenting community in India where a boy somehow fell into a septic tank in the school premises and died; and another boy allegedly 'slipped' outside his class room and died on spot. The point to be noted here is, all of these deaths took place in Delhi NCR in fancy, reputed schools, which charge exorbitant fees for various facilities including 'state-of-the-art' safety.

These news pieces are the reason why I do not subscribe to newspapers and avoid reading the news online. There is nothing but gruesome rapes and murders and wars and devastation all over the world today, but especially in our country. Not that these kind of reports did not upset me earlier, but being a mother now, I feel far more affected by any reports of sexual, physical, or emotional torture on kids. It is horrifying enough for adults to bear such inhuman acts, but for children, especially little ones 5-6 years old, it's just unimaginable heartache. Their life didn't even start, before it ended. Whose fault is it?

Is it the fault of the person who perpetrates such unspeakable acts against innocent children? Who are these people and why are they allowed to access areas deemed 'safe' for kids? Why are they allowed to be drunk during duty? Why are they allowed to carry weapons? How do they get access to kids in isolation? Do they plan this, or play it by the ear? Are they caught and punished severely enough to prevent further crimes? Are they tagged sexual offenders and prohibited from working around kids for life?

Is it the fault of the school authorities? Why do they talk about CCTV cameras that do not actually work or record? Why do they charge high fees to compensate for more staff and help, which is never around when required? Why do they not adhere to strict safety guidelines within and outside the school premises? How can a kid go missing and no one has a bloody clue where he/she is? Why are they not strict about screening of employees before hiring, and audits/random checks on employees during their tenure? Why do they employ people with no integrity in important positions like security, that the guards allow their 'friends' to walk in without being checked/having a reason to go inside? Why aren't the teachers more vigilant and the principals more concerned or responsible? If any untoward incident happens, why does the school just pass the buck? Why do they make excuses, refuse to take accountability and responsibility? Why do they make us sign consent forms exonerating themselves from all responsibility when they take our kids out?

Is it the fault of the parents for sending their child to school? Few parents can home school and given the ongoing tradition of sending children to 'gurukuls' in India for centuries, it is natural for kids to go to school, to learn, to play, to socialize, and to grow into smart and responsible adults. But is this what we send our kids to school for? To get murdered, raped, assaulted? Whether it be these incidents, or the incident in Lucknow where a teacher mercilessly slapped a student 40+ times for not answering her roll call; or the incident in a fancy Delhi school where a couple of middle school boys bullied a classmate and slapped him so hard, he lost partial hearing from one ear. Are we parents idiots to send our children to such hell holes where they are physically, emotionally and sexually abused? Where do we go? Which school is completely safe? Which city is completely safe? For that matter, which country in the world is a safe place for our kids? And can every parent shift abroad? Or to a different city? If not, what choice do we have, but homeschooling? Is homeschooling easy for everyone? IS homeschooling the solution? 

OR is it the fault of the children themselves? For being born in such a cruel world. For going to school. For trusting their teachers, and staff members. For being hopeful and innocent? What was their fault? That they went to the washroom? That they didn't listen to the teacher, or didn't bow down to a bully? That they wore objectionable clothes or deliberately enticed these despicable men?

I don't know who to blame. I don't know what will happen in the future. I do not know how these parents will live for the rest of their lives. I do not know if the criminals will ever have any remorse for what they did. I do not know when we humans will stop being such horrible fiends. I do not know when the school authorities and staff wake up. I do not know when the government will do something about this. I do not know what will parents do, homeschool or leave the county. I do not know if something will change or we will forget this in a few days and move on. 

I do know, that as a community, as a society, as a species - we have failed our children, EVERYWHERE. We have failed to give them decent food, decent water, pollution free air, safe homes and schools, safe playgrounds, safe LIVES! IF we don't keep our future safe, who will? Or are our lives, especially in a grossly overpopulated country, worthless? These are sad times for humanity, and especially a sad time for a mother like me, who has no way to keep her daughter - SAFE. 

All about Subscription Boxes! Food Box Special

As promised, here is my follow up post on various subscription boxes available in India. This is not an exhaustive but an indicative list; do comment with options that I have missed!

Starting with Food Boxes: Happy reading, and good luck finishing without tucking in! J

Bake Box: Based in Delhi, they work with professional and amateur bakers across Delhi and Gurgaon and provide a monthly box of goodies from their baker of the month. A regular monthly box costs Rs. 850, no eggless/vegan/gluten free or other special boxes available as of now. One can order for self or gift a box and pay COD or online/through cheque. The boxes can be picked up or delivered, as per requirement. The delivery dates are fixed and grouped geographically. They are open to taking orders for events.

http://bakebox.in/

 Nibble Box: This box is for young kids, professionals hankering for tidbits during the day, and those looking for high energy, fibre and nutrition food. They send 2 portions each of 4 different healthy snacks every week, delivered to office or home, across India. You can take a trial for 2 boxes for Rs.700+taxes, and there are monthly, quarterly and 6 monthly plans available, with cost of each box ranging from Rs. 250-350 depending on plan. They take into consideration your preferences. The snacks are healthy, nutritious, natural, with no preservatives, sugar, artificial colours/flavours etc. There are over 100 different snacks developed under the guidance of nutritionist Luke Coutinho, and come with nutritional information. Types of snacks include cookies, bars, crackers, Granolas, trail mixes, and nuts/seeds.

http://www.thenibblebox.com/

Tea Box: As the name suggests this box is for tea enthusiasts. There are 3 monthly plans available: a tea lover plan for 999 which gives you 80gm tea good for 30-40 cups, a tea avid plan for Rs. 1499 which gives you 150gm of tea good for 60-75 cups and a team enthusiast plan for Rs. 1999 which gives you 300gm of tea good for 120-150 cups. They require you to take a quiz so understand your tea preferences. One can also buy tea directly from their website, for self or gifting for Diwali or corporate etc. Apart from tea they also sell tea related stuff like infusers, mugs, tea maker etc. They deliver not only across India but in 35 countries across the world.

https://www.teabox.com/

Gourmet Box: The Gourmet box supplies local and international Gourmet food products handpicked by an expert team on a monthly basis, only in Mumbai. The boxes contain theme based products, suitable for vegetarians. There are 2 options: the Lil box for Rs 700 which gives you 2-3 products, 1 recipe idea and discount coupons; while the Big box for Rs 1500 per month gives you 5-6 products, recipe and pairing ideas and discounts. You can customize a box for yourself or gift one too. Apart from the subscription service, they sell gourmet foods, accessories, baking products etc. on their website.

http://www.thegourmetbox.in/Subscription-Plans-catid-197294-page-1.html

Snack Experts: Just like Nibble box, Snack Experts want to give their customers healthy snacks to munch on. Their snacks are healthy, free from preservatives and additives, trans fats, hydrogenated oils, artificial sugar. They are based in Chennai and deliver all over India. Each box, which costs about Rs. 600-700 depending on the plan, gives you 5 pouches of snacks of your choice, each weighing 150gm. You can choose 3 or 6 box option and also set your delivery frequency preference. You can choose what snacks you like from 6 categories and 20 varieties, and can pay online or COD. A trial box for Rs. 150 is available which allows you to taste 3 snacks of 50g each. All nutritional information about snacks is available on their website. Their options include crispies, flapjacks, seed mixes, dried fruits and nuts, trail mixes, bars and cookies.

https://www.snackexperts.com/

Eatelish: Something like the Gourmet Box, each box of Eatelish contains a selection of handpicked treats from all over the country. Once in two months, they ship you a box filled with curated edible delights, ingredients, food ideas and recipes that will introduce you to varied flavors, food experiences, techniques and food traditions of our country. A box costs Rs. 699, 3 boxes can be subscribed for @Rs. 1799. Payment options are only online. You can buy boxes for self or for gifting. Some boxes featured on their website are- chocolate delight collection, flavours of Agra, taste of Kerala, Bombay cookie box.

http://www.eatelish.com/product-category/eatelish-boxes/

Subscription Boxes: Disrupting Retail sales across the world!

 According to Wikipedia, a subscription box is a package of retail products sent directly to a customer on a recurring basis. An innovative marketing and distribution strategy, they target a wide range of customers with a variety of interests. The industry is nascent, having taken shape only in 2010s, but they have become very popular very fast, owing to easy access, affordability, and convenience they offer to customers. 


USA, the pioneer of subcoms, has almost 500 different boxes offering diverse range of products. Some of the categories are: food (snacks, bakery items), fashion (cosmetics, jewellery, and accessories), adult products, books/games, children’s activities, stationery etc.

A subscription box works because it is generally a win-win for all stakeholders. The customer gets to sample a company’s products conveniently and within budget. Especially in case of expensive products like luxury cosmetics, getting access to samples can help the customer make a decision about purchasing full size products. Even if they never want to buy those products, a subbox allows them to sample a variety of brands and products that they wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.  An added factor is the mystery – customers generally do not know fully or partly what to expect in their boxes and the process of discovery, makes people try out new things, which is usually a success and appreciated.

 It works for the company or brand because it helps them reach out to potential customers in an effective and targeted manner, especially those customers who live in rural or remote areas, reaching out to whom would be very expensive for a company. It also helps reduce costs as brands don’t need as many outlets and warehouses thanks to the online fulfilment nature of subboxes.  It works for the subbox service providers as they are able to get excellent commercial deals where they get many products from brands for throwaway prices or sometimes even free.

There are caveats though, subbox companies need to constantly innovate to avoid getting repetitive and lose customers. Customers may get products they don’t like. Brand risk bad publicity of their products are not packaged and delivered in perfect condition. However, it seems the benefits outweigh the problems and thus the industry continues to boom.

Here is a rundown on some of the categories and names of subboxes available in India. This list is only indicative, not exhaustive, and includes only those subcoms who have a website and monthly subscriptions. There will be a follow up post with details on each box!

1.           

            Food: From Bakery products to tea, from organic gourmet food to snacks, there is a box available for almost everything!

Bake box, Nibble box, Tea box, Gourmet box, Snack experts, Eatelish

2.       Fashion and Lifestyle: These boxes cater to mostly women, though there are some options for men too. Boxes typically include clothes, accessories and other lifestyle products

Sugar box, Lady Raga, Pincbox, Mystery Box

3.       Beauty: These boxes are probably the most popular. They provide customers with a mix of beauty, makeup, perfume, bath and body care products, in both regular and luxury segment.

Nature’s Co Beauty wish box, Scent box, Happiness caged, Fabbag, MSM box, Oh cute box, Globox

4.       Jewellery: Another fast growing segment is the jewellery box which comes with latest trinkets as per your budget, as per the ongoing trends.

 Little bauble box, Embellishment box, My envy box, Zotiqq, Bling bag

5.       Ladies Box: Made just for the ladies, usually these boxes cater to sanitary needs, and throw in samples of soothing teas, yummy treats and bath/body products for an extra dose of pampering for those days.

High tide, Being Juliet, Happiness in a box, La coffer box, Cosset box,

6.       Education: Primarily targeted at kids from ages 3-12, these boxes come with a variety of activities for youngsters to keep them busy and away from gadgets. From worksheets, to craft supplies, books to games, there is a wide variety of stuff available to engross the little ones.

Flintobox, Magic Crate, Xplorabox, Ivykids, Crafty chimp, Small brown box, Little reader’s nook, Cocomoco kids box

7.       Miscellaneous: There are a variety of other subboxes available for various hobbies and pets too!

Paper plane Magazine Subscription, Originone Stationery box, the Book box, Woof box, Wag box

Things I wish I knew when I was younger - my advice to my daughter for future

As I look back at my life in the past 3 decades, there are so many times when I wish I hadn't acted/reacted like I did. But then, I was younger and we all make mistakes, and learn from them. Here are some life lessons, from my own life and personal experiences, that I wish to pass on to my daughter. Maybe she will benefit from them.


1. Act cool with boys you have a crush on. Too overbearing and you turn people off. Also take rejection in your stride, don't associate your self worth with it.

2. Participate in sports. Pick at least one sport and pursue it. Not only is it healthy but it also teaches you discipline, hard work, team work.

3. Take up at least one extra curricular activity as per your interest, like singing, dancing, theatre, art etc. and pursue it. It opens up your world, gives you an opportunity to hone your skills, make new friends.

4. Do not pursue MBA without at least a few years of work experience, if not more. Else it will become a rote learning and vomiting out exercise with no value addition.

5. Do not fall in "love" and imagine yourself getting married to every guy you meet. Take each day and relationship as it comes. Give it time and see if its worthy for long term, else move on.

6. Do not get attached to the guy you lose your virginity to. If he isn't right for you, no need to get senti and force yourself to string along and get married. Times are changing. No one cares if you aren't a virgin.

7. Live in or spend enough time with the guy you wish to marry. Think of all the things that are important to you, especially what is non negotiable. Don't get blindsided by current romance, think of all the practical stuff you need to agree upon in the long run.

8. Don't be bogged down if you're not as rich as others in your friend circle. Or as pretty, or slim. The right people will love you and want to be with you no matter what. And more attractive and cool than being rich or pretty, is being confident and in love with who you are. If you're into books or art or sports, exude knowledge comfort and confidence about that. People will get attracted to you for those interests, qualities. Not something you didnt make - your looks or money or home/car.

9. Do not take abuse from any guy ever. Don't think it is a momentary or one time thing, or that he will change. Do not tolerate it for sake of the relationship, even kids. Same for cheating, gambling, alcoholism etc.

10. Do not let anyone tell you you're a shitty mother. You decide what you wanna be and strive hard to achieve tour personal standards. There is no one size fits all formula for parenting. Don't compare yourself or get into self pity mode.

11. Do not sacrifice your life and goals and dreams for everyone else. It will never be worth it. To make others happy you need to be happy yourself. Everyone adjusts, don't completely give up though.

12. Do not bow to societal pressure of what is considered normal or good to do. Be it with studies, career, marriage or kids. Do what you really want to do. And if thats not what the society accepts, screw them.

13. Aim to study to learn, not to pass or get good marks to appease everyone. Easier said than done but when you take interest in what you study, and study what you're interested in, you will learn and retain much better. You may not have much control in school but afterwards, choose wisely.

14. Travel travel travel. As much as often as far as you can. Savour the journey, the experiences, the languages, the food, the culture, the people, the geography, the history. That will teach you more than any book or class can.

15. Better to regret doing something than not doing it. Do whatever you want to do. Its never too late, you're never too old. Don't let age, marital status, kids, husband, family, society dictate what you can or can't do.

16. If someone is rude or mistreats you, don't take it, and cry and crib. Stand up for yourself. Have the courage to confront people, especially on difficult topics. To hell with respect for elders, bosses, etc. No one should be allowed to humiliate you and get away with it. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will.

17. Always be independent. Physically, emotionally, financially. Parents will always help you. Friends, spouse, kids, may or may not. Learn how to manage finances, run the house. Learn how to drive, do your taxes, change a flat tyre, do repairs around the house, manage the help, cook proper food, wash clothes/utensils etc. You may be well off enough to hire someone to do everything for you, but know how to do everything for yourself. Learn to be alone. Watch movies, eat at restaurants, travel alone. You need to be comfortable with your own company. Have a life beyond family. Have an identity beyond relationships. Cherish the woman and person in you.

18. Always be good to your parents. Always take care of them. And always be patient with your children. Treat your family with love. They're the only ones who will stand by you. Do not let your temper, ego and other issues ruin relationships. Not worth it. But understand difference between self respect and ego.

19. Don't try to change others in a relationship. Honestly introspect and see where you need to change. And even after making requisite changes, people or situations remain negative, change your attitude, your response. Meditate, forgive, forget, move on. Its for your own mental peace and good. Carrying grudges, maintaining negativity inside, only burdens you, no one else.

20. Be kind and compassionate. Help those in need. Respect everyone irrespective of their age, socioeconomic status, looks. Care for flora fauna environment. Be responsible. Lead a healthy, organic, sustainable life. Connect with nature. Donate money generously and if you don't have any, donate your time and skills. Try not to be judgmental or biased.

Preparing for the Unpredictable and Inevitable: Checklist of must have Documents!

They say nothing is certain but death and taxes. but that does not mean that one cannot be prepared.

In today’s fast paced and unpredictable world, there is no saying what happens when to whom. Especially after I had a child I realized it is important to always be prepared for the worst. In addition, it is important to be prepared with all sorts of documentation that may come in handy in various circumstances. Here is a list of documents that may be useful to maintain for everyone in India!

• Banking account details: These days all of us have at least one bank account. Be it a joint account or an add on credit card, prepare a document with details of all bank accounts, debit/credit cards, fixed deposits and other investments, loans; nominee/ balance/EMI details, branches and contact persons. Also maintain a file of latest 6 statements at least for each account. This is good to maintain for applying for loans, visas, new jobs, investments or paying taxes.

• Insurance details: It is advised to insure everything possible, including debit/credit cards, or gadgets to be prepared for any loss or damage. Prepare a document with details of each insurance policy (life/medical/general/auto/property etc.), along with nomination, premium and other information. Keep the main policy/registration documents safely, also retain all receipts of payments made. This is useful for calculating tax liabilities and claiming partial or final settlements in case of accident/illness/death etc.

• Birth, Marriage, Divorce and Death Certificates: It is mandatory by the Indian Government for all Indian nationals to register births, marriages and deaths. Birth certificates serve as age proof during admissions, travel, marriage, etc. Death certificates are important for cash and asset transfers, closure of accounts etc. on demise. Marriage certificates come in handy for passport and visa documentation, divorce decrees are mandatory when filing for remarriage.

• Electronic and Social Media accounts: Whether it be the username and password for financial instruments, utilities payments, e-commerce websites, social media platforms or any other clubs which require you to register for access, maintain a document with user Ids and passwords, although it is best to have passwords memorized. Also remember to periodically change and update passwords to reduce risk of hacking. While you may maintain online accounts and payments system, do not forget to retain properly all physical bills, receipts, agreements, deeds, policies and other documents carefully.

• Retirement funds, Assets and Income tax details: If you get gratuity, provident fund, pension etc. from your employer, it is always good to have information on your account numbers, contact details for various offices and knowledge on partial or full withdrawal procedure in case you need for any emergency.  Same goes for taxation – always file taxes yearly irrespective of income, and maintain hard and soft copies of returns. They come in handy in many instances, like visa application for travel abroad, buying property etc. Lastly, have a document which precisely lists down details of all your assets, be it property or cash or financial instruments or bullion or jewelry, and keep updating the same. Having all this information ready can be useful when buying/selling/gifting/transferring assets.

• Medical heath details and records of self and family: our lifestyle these days guarantees everyone suffering from some or the other disease or allergy. Whether it be a new born, a child, an adult or an old person, it is imperative to maintain medical history and records of all family members, and ensure everyone memorizes most important details about each other, like allergies, blood groups, chronic diseases, surgical history. It is advised to store soft copies as well in case physical copies are lost or compromised.

• Will and Power of Attorney: Probably the most depressing of all documents, one should have a living will maintained and updated regularly. One never knows when tragedy strikes and you are left seriously ill, paralyzed or dead, unable to take care of your affairs. Many will formats are available online; one can easily fill it up, register it and store it for use further. It is also suggested even if you do not have a business or property you still get a PoA made so that you can give charge to one person to handle all financial, legal, personal affairs in your absence due to any emergency.

• Educational and Professional Degrees and Certificates: It is important to retain the physical copies of all the degrees an certificates you amass throughout your academic and professional career, as they are required for further admissions, job applications etc. they also serve as proof of your skills, especially when you apply to work or settle abroad. The Class 10 certificate also serves as age proof.

• Personal documents: Last but not the least, in fact the most important set of documents one must maintain is Personal documents issued to citizens by various government agencies for various purposes, which usually serve as ID, address and age proofs. Examples are: Passport, Driving License, Voter ID card, Aadhaar Card, PAN card, Ration card. In addition, depending on your employment, you may have additional cards certifying your membership in professional societies or institutions. For students and Govt/Private employees, they must also carry their identification cards.

For all the documents you have, it is important to maintain all possible physical copies and scan them to keep soft copies as well as backup. It is advised to not store passwords, but memorize them. All physical documents should be kept together in one location, but a copy must be kept in a separate location as well. All important information must be shared with at least one close family member like spouse/parents/siblings/children who can manage your affairs if required. Utmost care must be taken to keep all documents and information safe and secure. It may seem like an impossible task to do all this at the outset, but in the end the effort will be worth it, as you will be prepared to face whatever challenge life throws at you, with minimum disruption or problems!

7 Topics to Discuss with your Partner before Getting Married

Recently when a dear friend decided to get married the arranged way, I made a list of things that she could talk to her future husband, to ensure least friction and surprises later on. Inspired by the same, here is my latest Listicle!

Marriage is one of the longest and most important relationships that a person enters into in their life. Needless to say it is not something to be taken lightly. Immense thought and planning goes into making this decision and taking it forward. Given the increasing rate of divorce these days even in India, being clear on some important aspects of married life can lead to longer marital bliss. Some of the most important topics of discussion are:

Wedding:

It is a well-known fact that in the Indian scenario, it is not two individuals but two families that get married. Given how many people prefer to marry outside their communities, differences in culture lead to friction. To ensure a smooth wedding, some things that need to be sorted include:  

when and where will the wedding be, how many and what all events will be hosted, how many people to be invited from both sides, who will bear the cost for the wedding and if split then how much per side, how will the travel/boarding/lodging of outstation guests be managed, will there be any gifts to be exchanged between families, what wedding rituals will be followed, what responsibilities do each family’s members have, what kind of wedding gifts do the couple want (registry if desired), what preparations need to be done pre wedding, what rituals need to be followed post wedding, how will cross cultural relatives be managed, when and where will the honeymoon be, what are the sources of fund to finance everything.

Location and home:

Post wedding, where the couple will live, and with whom, is a pertinent question to answer. Many factors like family, career etc. need to be taken into consideration before choosing where to live. Some things that can be talked about in this matter are:

Will the couple live with in-laws (and if not then nearby?), which city is feasible and acceptable for both to live in, what kind of locality within the city is desirable (near office or good schools for example), how long does the couple intend to stay in that city (in case they are there for short term work or study purpose), stay in India or abroad, what kind of house (independent or flat?), buy or rent (if buy who pays, is it shared?), how will the house be set up (agreeing on furniture and furnishing type and price etc.), will bathrooms be shared or separate, would the couple have own rooms (den) apart from the couple bedroom, where will the tv be kept (inside bedroom or outside), what is the protocol for friends/family visiting etc., what are each person’s levels of cleanliness and hygiene, will help be hired, what are the household chores responsibility for both.

Kids

Once a couple is married and settled in their home, the next important question which arises is kids! These days, the norms for having children are changing. Gone are the days when within a year women popped out babies and had large families. Now many couples prefer delaying having kids till they feel settled, secured and ready, with some swearing off kids altogether. It is also one of the most important things a couple must agree on for a happy married life. Some points to discuss are:

Do both want kids and if so then how many and by when, if more than one then how far apart, what are your parenting attitudes; what kind of bringing up, schooling, lifestyle, privileges to give the child (middle class vs spoilt, pampered vs independent, strict vs lenient, public school vs private school etc.), how to name them (religious priest/family decision or parents decide) , how much will in-laws from both sides have a say in their bringing up (limits of interference and advice), how will responsibilities and work related to kids especially babies be shared, what language they will speak, what culture and religion they will follow, who will teach them, will nannies be hired, will they be sent to boarding school/hostel, will they sleep with parents or separately, will any parent work from home or quit working when a new baby arrives.

Family obligations

Man is a social animal. And Family is the closest and most important social unit a person identifies with. Familial bonds are especially strong in the Indian scenario where many people still live in joint families or spend time with parents / extended family on a daily or regular basis. With two families coming together, there are a lot of expectations to be managed. Being clear on Family related protocol can help with friction between the couple and with in-laws. Some things that can be considered for making decisions in this regard are:

Developing understanding of what each family is like culturally, socially, characteristically and what they expect from their daughter/son-in-law; what changes need to be made when in laws are around, is there a need to learn another language, is there is a need to dress a certain way in front of in-laws, when staying with in-laws how is each spouse expected to behave and work in the house,  how much interference from in-laws is ok/not ok, what are the boundaries and non-negotiables etc., how will you manage cross cultural differences at home and with in-laws, and interaction between both families; will the wife change her name after marriage, how much time to be spent with each family on a regular basis, what kind of relationship both will share with in-laws and in-laws will share with each other, will the couple stay with in-laws, how will vacations be planned with in-laws.

Finances

Another deal breaker for many couples is the issue of money. With more and more women being educated and working and contributing to the family income, how to manage the money may become a bone of contention. To avoid that it is prudent for a couple to talk about the following things:

who will pay for the house rent/emi and if shared then what is the split, who will take care of expenses of dependents (kids, parents, siblings etc.), home expenses, going out expenses, vacation expenses etc. and what will be the spilt (what % spent on each); will there be a joint account or separate accounts managed individually, how will you save and invest and in what names, will u openly declare how much you are earning or keep it secret,  what assets you want to buy going forward like house/car/white goods/furniture etc., what kind of spending habits both have  (spendthrift or miserly) and what kind of lifestyle both desire (frugal or luxurious), how much u would spend on each other in gifts etc., will the couple spend one salary and save the other or spend and save from both, who will pay in cases of medical or other emergency.

Career decisions

Today, as far as career is concerned, things are quite different from the past. Women are equally educated, talented and ambitious and wish to pursue successful careers which are not threatened by marriage or kids. The husband’s career is no longer the only factor which dictates household responsibilities or choice of city to live in – today many couples adjust their lifestyle as per the wife’s career and ambitions too. Since a person’s career may define many things, like when to marry, whether to have kids, where to stay etc., it is important to be on the same page by discussing:  

Are both ok with their academic background or want to study more, what kind of long term career both want and where, what to do if one person gets transferred or takes a new job in a new location; what if one wants to take a break from work, what if one wants to change industry/become an entrepreneur (risk of losing income for a while), what if one wants to take risk in stock market or property for income instead of having a job, what if one wants to move abroad, or return to india if staying abroad.

Self and family information

Absolutely the most important discussion that a couple must have- to divulge every aspect of themselves to their spouse honestly to ensure the other person doesn’t feel cheated as they spend time with their spouse and discover things about them. Of course some qualities about a person emerge in particular situations but there is a need to honestly discuss many things beforehand to ensure trust and commitment going forward:

Honest revelation of own family, their habits, characteristics and your relationship with each member; issues you have faced/are facing like health, finances etc., any personal secrets that u need to share, open declaration of habits (food, smoking, drinking etc.) and good/bad characteristics of self, what are deal breakers for each person, what is bucket list of each person (things to do before marriage or kids), past relationships, relatives’ profile and attitude, medical history, financial/job history, current situation of assets and debts of self and family; what kind of expectations for each other in terms of division of responsibilities, sharing emotionally, interacting intellectually; what boundaries related to loyalty and space, how will the couple deal with fights, will the couple make collaborative or individual decisions, what are each person’s attitudes towards sex and physical intimacy and expectations, in private and public, etc., how and where will you spend vacation time and how often, etc., how often will the couple spend time with friends (together and separately), what are the couple’s shared interests and hobbies, what are each person’s religious, cultural and spiritual beliefs and how a spouse needs to respect or adjust to them.

Once a couple has discussed the above aspects and understood where they both come from, it is much easier to adjust and cooperate with each other and live together happily and peacefully. Good luck to all couples reading this article, hope you enjoyed it and found it useful! J

All you need to know about House Hunting

Generally when we start looking out for a house to take on rent, we start with our budget and check out options accordingly. While budget is the most important and discerning factor, there are some more things that you should keep in mind before finalising a place. Here is a checklist of factors to consider when looking for a house, which may make the task more efficient and beneficial for you:

• Choosing Area/Location of house
• budgetary constraints, distance from family, your office, your children's school help narrow down area
• distance from hospitals, shopping complexes etc. help assess location of the house
• ease of travel: distance from bus stop, railway station, airport, metro station etc. are the additional factors that can be considered

• Choosing a house - external factors
• situation of electricity, water and gas connections
• security levels, roads and parks, peacefulness 
• availability of services like grocery shop, maids, washerman etc.
• floor no, availability of lifts, no of bedrooms and house size

•  Choosing a house - internal factors
• facing direction, ventilation and sunlight situation
• availability of washing area, balconies, store rooms etc.
• society and landlord's rules about changes in house, visitors, lifestyle etc.
• parking place for self and visitors
• storage space, quality and sufficiency of furniture and fixtures esp lights and fans

• What to look for inside the house
• bathrooms: geyser, sink, mirror, western/indian commode, cabinets/shelves, hot and cold shower/tap, plug points, tiled walls and non slippery floor, hooks on the door, proper drainage system
• kitchen: ample platform space, storage for food, vessels etc, appropriate space for fridge, space to store mixie/micro/toaster etc, plug points, gas pipeline connection, geyser, exhaust fan/chimney, steel sink, place to install water purifier, proper drainage system
• bedroom, drawing dining: well painted, good flooring, space for installing ACs, well lit, ample windows, storage space

These factors, which are pretty flexible as per your preferences, can help you understand the suitability of the houses you shortlist. And hopefully finalise the house of your dreams! Good Luck!!

Happy Children's Day!

Today is my 30th Children's Day but the first one as a mother. And I cannot help but relive my childhood days today, and at the cost of sounding like an old woman, wish those days would come back. After living the past decade in a blur, what with studies and jobs and marriage, I now have time to sit back and reflect at the past 30 years and reminisce the 90s and cherish those beautiful memories. Now I understand why every generation laments to go back to the golden days when as kids there was fun in everything, even if there wasn't much, and no worries or responsibilities. Recounting 30 of my favourite memories of what my bachpan used to be like - maybe some day my children will  read this and know what it was like for us!

1. When i was a toddler i did not have a tricycle of my own. my neighbor did. to be allowed to use it, even if it meant sitting in behind her and not on the wheel, was awesome! even more than when i got my own bike :)
2. The small, basic yet cute preschools; the stupid fancy dress costumes; making first friends in the first school... some of my best friends today are the oldest - known them for over 2 decades.
3. the first barbie i got - cost Rs 99 and was such a big deal. after that i was so mesmerized, i pooled in all my gift money (rakhi, bday etc) for years and finally bought a basket full of barbie stuff!
4. playing ghar ghar, kitchen set etc, and later board games ... memory, hungry hippos, lay-an-egg, operation. much later came the countless hours playing video games with the guys.
5. never tiring of playing outdoor games, whether in sun or cold or rain. chain chain, pakdam pakdai, corners, stapu, gallery, stone gallery, cut-the-cake, vish amrit, oonch neech, fire on the mountain, farmer in the den, doctor, ice pice :P
6. of course how can one forget the crazy Indian hand games... uma joshi, categories, aao milo, zip zap zoom, jab miss mary, poshampa, gud chipak chipak, oranges and lemon, dhakka diya, princess in the palace.... list is endless, so was the fun!
7. during summer vacations we used to wake up early in the morning and play sports like badminton, cricket, or cycle around the compound
8. one of our favourite pastimes was to spend time in the recreation room, playing tt or carrom. and of course, spending time getting to know the opposite sex ;)
9. come rain and all kids would run out to play in the water and kichad.. pet dogs in tow!
10. the legendary birthday parties, where chips, samosas, cutlets were staple, apart from the cake of course, which everyone used to keep staring at till it was cut. and the best part was tearing open the gifts after the day is over!
11. adopting stray dogs, cats, birds; getting pets like rabbits and turtles gave us our first training of responsibility and childcare.
12. learning marble painting from dad, and then painting ourselves and the whole bathroom with colours without producing a single useful piece of art
13. during power cuts, finishing homework by candlelight and then stay outside till wee hours playing antakshari
14. going for excursion trips to the museum or maybe a movie from school was such a big deal and an amazing adventure!
15. wonderful times celebrating festivals... lohri, holi, janamashtami, rakhi, durga puja, dashehra, diwali, christmas! 
16. watching pak vs india matches, or when India win the titan cup and running out on every 4, 6 or out!
17. getting up and getting ready on time on a Sunday morning so we can watch mowgli, ducktales, talespin, potli baba ki, stone boy, malgudi days, gayab aya, etc etc etc. and later cartoon network - flintstones, jetsons, captain planet, scooby doo, pingu...
18. dad used to make all our charts and do our artwork... even covering new books and copies and sticking labels was so much fun!!
19. wearing hand me down clothes from older cousins was a done thing, and in many cases exciting! and i cant forget the outstanding sweaters etc my aunts and grannies etc knit for us... so intricately done with bare hands!
20. sardi ki dhoop mein going out/upstairs on the terrace to study. but of course enjoying the lazy morning time daydreaming or sleeping more than studying.
21. looking forward to festivals more for khana than anything else. Chhole puri, aloo puri, halwa puri. especially in winters, when mum used to make tomato and vegetable soup every evening, which we used to relish with home made bread crumbs and sticks.
22. even falling sick was fun - no school, lying in bed watching tv all day, mumma taking extra care of us!
23. eating all sortsa chat papdi at the local aggarwal sweets, chuski and ice cream at india gate.. going for drives in teh nights or picnics on holidays
24. the vacation to the hills every weekend - us driving down alone or with family friends, chilling by the river, trekking the hills; or going to visit vaishno devi - each kind of trip was fun in its own way. esp spotting monkeys and other animals when diving up the mountains!
25. chilling out ideas during summer - eating lots of watermelon and other cooling fruits. and of course .. sitting with the mighty COOLER on... after watering it, there was no match for it! also matchless was eating mangoes by the dozen, cooled in buckets of water!
26. going to nani's house and getting bombarded with awesome food and loads of pocket money :D
27. waiting for weeks for the music cassettes to be released, buying local cassettes and getting favourite eng and hindi songs recorded
28. making plans months in advance for the annual gift buying on birthday and clothes buying on diwali. gotta be on your bets behaviour in few weeks before to ensure good results!
29. having a warm bath at night in winters before sleeping - led to the best sleep ever. hated getting out of the cozy blanket to go to school in the morning! :(
30. flying kites, or trying to, on 15th august every year... guys wd do the flying and girls wd hold the chakri or give kanni! :P

The Indian Mom in Indian TV Ads: Then and Now

So the Indian mother has been promoted in her position in TV ads over the past few years. No longer does she don only sarees and worry about washing clothes and utensils. She is seen wearing modern attire, taking care of all responsibilities from children to work, single-handedly. But I guess we still need some more time before we can truly accept the modern working mother.

I remember this ad of some hair oil where one mom uses an inferior oil which takes very long to use. Since she is working she doesn't have much time, and thus does a shabby job of making her daughter's hair which subjects the latter to ridicule. The daughter taunts - ma if u were not working and had time I wouldn't have to go through this. Soon the mom discovers the better brand of oil which works well and takes little time. She switches and voila! The daughter's hair looks awesome and she is popular. She says then - now you can go back to work ma without guilt because my hair is now perfect!

Wow. Daughter's hair the yardstick for a mom's performance? A mom made to feel guilty for choosing to work instead of taking care of her daughter's hair so she becomes popular? Of course there are ads showing mom to be a successful working woman, whether working from home or as a pilot/entrepreneur etc. But such ads are far and few. Many moms are shown still more into housework and kitchen, even if they're wearing pants. The modern moms are more worried about keeping their husbands interested by trying out a variety of fairness creams and beauty regimes. Times are changing, even in our ads but still, we have some way to go before we can truly accept and appreciate a working woman who is also a good wife and mom!

The Legen...wait for it.. Dary Karwa Chauth of North India

I still remember it as if it was just yesterday that I witnessed one of the most important festivals in North India - The Karwa Chauth. It is the day all married, and some unmarried women, fast for the health and long life of their husbands (present or future). Legend goes that there was a woman called Karwa who snatched her husband's life from the jaws of God of Death Yamraj himself, such was her love and dedication for him. So every year, millions of Indian women around the world fast and pray for their husbands with the same love and dedication.

My mother is a Jain and was never obliged to perform the Karwa Chauth, especially because she never had any in laws to enforce any rituals. However, she and her sister were very fond of the festival and ever since they got married, they have observed the fast, come hail or high water. To add to it, they don't take the easy way of fruitarian fast, but go the whole nine yards in observing a nirjal or non-water fast. As a kid. even though I never fasted with them, it was an exciting and fascinating day for me as well.

The preparations of Karwa Chauth began a couple of days in advance. Fruits, mithai, mud karwa etc were bought and decorated. Mehndi was applied the night before - my favourite part and a way to participate. Mom woke up at 4 am on Karwa Chauth day to have sargi (I woke up too in excitement). Then she would wear her finest silk saree, apply the solah sringar and get ready for the day ahead (while i wore my best suits and bangles and bindi). We then went to our mausi's place where her daughter and daughter-in-law would also join us, along with another few relatives. We would sit around and chat all day, having fun catching up. I would be the only one having lunch, not enjoying it at all.

In the evening the puja would begin. All married women would sit in a circle and start narrating the story of Karwa, and queen Veervati who was a devout wife observing karwa chauth but tricked into breaking her fast early by her brothers who couldnt see her starve. As a result her husband dies - the story narrates her grief and her resolve to redo the fast to get her husband back and how she painstakingly but surely succeeds in the task. It was an engaging and fascinating story that I had memorized in the first few times I attended the puja. During the puja the women would break for singing a couplet every now and then and pass their thalis around till every woman got hers back.. it was a beautiful spectacle of shimmer and colour!

By sunset the puja finished and so did the patience of the fasting women. Everyone was now waiting with bated breath to see a glimpse of the moon. The fast is broken by looking at the moon, offering water to it from the mud karwa and then breaking the fast. It is known fact the moon rises most late on Karwa Chauth day when millions of women are begging it to oblige them with its appearance. Many times its been hid behind clouds and women have had to break their fasts by looking at its pictures. We kids were made to run up to the terrace every 15 mins to see if the moon had risen... though the exercise was exhausting, it was exciting as well. We wanted the moon to rise ASAP as well - we were just as hungry as the fasting women, at the thought of a yummy feast awaiting us, with just the moon between us and the food.

Finally the moon would do everyone a favour and relent with its appearance. Many sighs of relief, feet touching, first sip of water and bite of food later, the fast would finally come to an end and we all finally got some really awesome dinner! We went back home, sated, after a long day of hard work! :)



I have never fasted in my life, especially the women-fasting-for-men ones. Am an agnostic feminist and don't believe doing any of this would make any difference to my husband. But I do love all the festivities and traditions of karwa chauth - the dressing up, the mehndi, the meeting relatives, the excitement, the food, the community coming together and celebrating as one. And today I really miss being part of all the fun. A Happy Karwa Chauth to all the lovely women out there!

The Anand - mayi Durga Puja of Anand Lok

It seems like only yesterday that I was in Delhi, living in the great Anand Lok society, with my family and the bestest of friends around. Most of us have lived there for over a decade, and thus the bonds forged are for a lifetime. Personally speaking I think the biggest agent of this assimilation was definitely the most celebrated event of the year - Durga Puja. It was during these 5 days that we all came together - across regions and religions. Children spent more time with parents watching the cultural programs, childhood sweethearts got some extra time hanging out, participating in morning and evening events made our friendships everlasting.

Anand Mela:

The hoopla started on Panchami day, the day of the Anand Mela. It was one of the most anticipated days, with games and food stalls by the residents, dotting the pandal gardens. We all prepared for it weeks in advance, planning who will put up which game, gathering all the material, deciding what the prizes will be. Lucky 7, lucky dip, glass pyramid, candle lighting,.. so many games to choose from!

The mum folk would have a similar preparation and discussion, albeit for their food stalls. Given the diversity of the people, we always had food from all corners of the country, from dahi bhallas and chhola bhaturas to idli dosa coconut rice, shrikhand and dhoklas to fish tikkas, momos and chowmein to a variety of homemade sweets - no one cooked food that day!

After a fun filled evening followed by tons of yummy food, the revelations closed with a few rounds of tambola. Grannies, uncles, aunties, teens, kids.. all sat down with 1-2 tickets each and waited to call for a line or go boo whenever someone else did...it was a game for the whole community and much enjoyed!
On that night also, came our dear Durga Ma, to get settled in the pandal, ready to be revealed the following morning.

Aartis and bhog:

Starting shashthi, the day Durga Ma was revealed,, every morning and evening, the pandit would do the puja and aarti every morning and evening. Residents and visitors would keep visiting the pandals during the day to pay their respects. Chubby aunties in beautiful sarees spent all morning and evening doing puja and aartis with the pandit. The amazing smell of the aggarbatti etc used wafted into our houses and reminded us of the pujo everyday.

The other highlight of the day was, the Bhog. Starting shaptami, for 3 days, there was a bhog arranged every afternoon. It included typical bhog items, like khichdi, luchi, paayesh, rosogulla, paneer etc. The food was simple yet tasty, to us at least. Almost everyone came down for lunch, and met their friends and neighbours. Even though we ate outside under the sun with no air conditioning, the communal meal was so much fun we did not even realise the heat. Although later it was turned into a buffet style meal, it was the best earlier - serving style. All the elders would sit, and the bhaiyas would lug around huge buckets of food, serving people on the tables themselves. We lil ones were incharge of setting the banana leaf plates, plastic cutlery and glasses, and serve mishti or water. Although it was hard work feeding hundreds, it was so much fun we forgot about our own hunger!

Morning events and Evening shows:

From Shaptami to Navami, for 3 days we had morning events. All children had school holidays and were sitting at home making their parents' lives difficult. So the committee started games and competitions, We had games like 3 kegged race, egg race, lemon race etc for all age groups. We also had competitions like fancy dress, art, dancing etc. We also had block-wise teams for quizzes, tug-of-war etc. What fun! It was amazing to see kids wake up and get ready to go on a holiday by 10am!! We had prizes for 1st 2nd 3rd positions but everyone else got consolation prizes so no one felt bad!

In the evening we had a cultural show which ended late in the night. Again from the elderly to the uncles and aunties and of course kids, we had performances from everyone - across music dance, singing, plays, etc. Everyone came dressed up to attend the show every evening, and food was available for purchase outside the main pandal. Months in advance we all would start practising, to perform in all 3 languages. Mind you we were very professional - with experienced directors, elaborate sets ans costumes :) These shows over the years provided amazing opportunities to witness extraordinary talent everyone had!

Bijoya Dashmi:

Finally the festivities would come to an end on Dashehra when we would bid goodbye to Durga Ma amongst fanfare, gulaal and emotions. And the only thing that was on every one's mind was... how will we wait for another year for this to come again!! Sigh those were the days.

Ive been away from home for past 8 years. But still every year I tried to attend Puja in Anand Lok. But now that all the people in our gang have moved out, the place seems empty and different now. Almost unrecognizable. The fervour and excitement of our times seems missing. Youngsters shun the events and festivities, preferring to gather in some shady corner and using the opportunity to drink, smoke up etc. The uncles and aunties of our time have grown older and taken a bow from participation. What used to be a community event where everyone volunteered to do everything, has now become a commercial affair where professionals cook, serve food, setup games and perform shows. Its no longer the Pujo I used to know. I guess that's life. I do hope some day my children are able to be part of something amazing like this in their lifetime, like I was. It surely is a memory to cherish forever!!