Sunday, August 04, 2013

Ego and Relationships: Imbalance works!

Past couple of months ive been thinking of relationship dynamics. Especially blood versus spousal relationship. Why is that we have more unconditional love and tolerance for our parents and children than for our husband/wife?

My mother gave me an interesting perspective on the same: all relationships with an ego imbalance work well.

Parents go out of their way to nurture and protect their children. They take all sorts of nonsense from them, which they wouldn't from anyone. Ditto with kids: as we grow older we realise the importance of our parents and what they have done for us, and we leave no stone unturned to make them happy. No matter how old fashioned they may be, we love them all the same. Also we cant choose family nor divorce them so somehow we manage to be with them despite all ups and downs.

What happens with spouses is that typically in today's world, they are equals. Equal in education, ambition, salaries and ego. Neither party is ready to let go of this equal status and thus during conflict, neither concede defeat so they keep struggling. the same people who would let go of their opinions with their parents and kids, become stubborn and defensive with their spouses. Which means two superior people cant make a peaceful marriage.

I guess thats why marriages, where women consider men superior, work well, like those where husbands are 'henpecked'.

Of course there are exceptions as always: there are parents who dont care for their kids and vice versa. Or two strong personalities make a perfect couple. But they are exceptions. In general, the rule applies.

Does it? What do you think? Would love to hear some thoughts on this.

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